Samantha Cabrera Photographs

Woolly

It was my immense pleasure a few weeks ago to photograph some very sweet and woolly sheep. My neighbor Katrina Walker raises her sheep like pets, and their love for her is so cute. Katrina spins the wool from her flock, and sells their au naturale un-dyed yarn. I just love their colors.

I particularly love the last photo in this post. That stretch of land right there is what I call home. I have lived across from that field, tucked in the woods, for a great portion of my life... it is sacred space, to me and my family anyway. I just love the wide and expansive West.

www.katrinawalker.com

Juju Bee

I love this little man with all my heart. It seems that all I do these days is kiss that cute baby face...at least that's all I want to do. xxx

Better

// Photos c/o my friend Steve and his iPhone //

Above is the only photo...in existence...of my little family together (oh Noah...you just couldn't look in the right direction could you?). As you might imagine it is hard for me as a photographer to trust someone else to take my own picture, or pictures of my family. My good friend and fellow photog Steve was in town last weekend and we were going to, for the first time ever, have our family pictures taken. However, Triston got called to Boston on a last minute business trip and our plans were cancelled. Thus, the one iPhone snap of us together. It will have to do.

The real reason for this post, however, is to share that I am feeling much, much better since my last update. At the time I was feeling those unpleasant emotions, but most of the time I don't walk around huffing and puffing about how "obnoxious and annoying" strangers can be. Sheesh. I felt like shouting, "and scene!" after that dramatic release. Thank you for reading and understanding my flawed humanity.

There is a lot going on behind the scenes over here. I am getting ready to fly down to Santa Barbara this weekend to photograph a beautiful wedding, and once I get home I will be prepping for surgery. I hope to meet you back here at least once before my trip, and again before surgery and recovery. Also, I have a new blog-site in development right now which will be solely dedicated to my work, and will most likely contain very few words, and focus only on my favorite images. This blog has sort of accidentally turned into a personal one for me, and I want to have a separate space for my photographic life. I hope to share more with you soon!

xxx Samantha

One of those days

We've all had them. Those days when the world seems to be against us, and even strangers seem to know just the right way to push our buttons; to be utterly obnoxious and annoying. These are the days when I want to shut myself off from the world, to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my face. Maybe the flurry of life is catching up to me. Maybe I need a nap. Maybe I need to know that this cancer is no longer in my body.

My grandma had a saying when her kids were grumpy, when one of them was having one of those days she would say, "You just need your bangs cut. Then you will feel much better." My mother always told me how her mom would cut her bangs and then remarkably, she would feel much better. I don't have bangs, but today I am going to get my haircut for the first time in a year and a half. Who knows, maybe it will make me feel better too.

2 months with Julian

Julian is going to be 3 months old in a few days, but here are the photos I took at 2 months. Better late than never.

Julian brings so much joy into our lives. He wears a contagious smile on his face most of the day, yet it remains illusive to the camera. One of our best discoveries with Julian this month has been his two pin-tuck, adorable, amazing, DIMPLES! Oh, my heart can hardly stand it. Triston and I each have one dimple on our right cheeks, but Julian's dimples look like Triston's 14-year-old brother Desi, and Juju also has Desi's little ears that pinch at the top. I love seeing his physical and personality traits continue to blossom.

By far the hardest thing that has started this month is teething. Julian or Juju Bee as we lovingly call him, has started to drool, cry, and chew on his fingers and fists. Noah also started teething at an early age, and had all of his teeth (except the 2-year molars) by his first birthday. We shall see if Julian's also come in at a similarly rapid rate.

Since my diagnosis with thyroid cancer a couple of weeks ago, each day with my boys has felt like an absolute blessing. I look into their eyes and see a promise. I know I am here on this earth to see them grow into men, and guide each of them in the way that they should go. I know they need me as much as I need them, and I don't plan on leaving them for a long, long time.

Update

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for the love and support, and prayers! I have received so many emails and phone calls, and I feel absolutely poured over with love. I am meaning to get back to several of you with a personal phone call, and will hopefully be able to do that in the next day or two. I wanted to write an update so that I could keep everyone including my family and friends updated all at once.
I met with my surgeon today and talking to her has brought me so much peace. I now feel more confident about the future, and have a hopeful outlook for my treatment plan. I will be having a total Thyroidectomy and also the lymph nodes that drain my thyroid removed. This means that I will have to be on thyroid hormone therapy for the rest of my life, but of course that is better than having cancer. There is also a small chance that I will not need radiation therapy if the tumor is smaller than they think it is. Right now they think it looks about 3.5cm in diameter, but if it turns out to be under 2cm I won't need Radioactive Iodine and will be able to continue nursing Julian. If however, it does turn out to be as big as it looks on the ultrasounds then I will need the treatment, but my surgeon has reassured me that postponing the radiation by 6 months is a definite option. I am praying that the tumor will shrink between now and my surgery, which for the sake of your prayers will be in the middle of May. I wish I had more time to go into this, but one last thing I wanted to mention is that I have had chronic neck pain only on the left side of my neck (where the nodule/tumor is) for 3+ years now. For anyone who has experience chronic pain, you know that it can make you irritable and a little nutty at times. It has also caused me to have chronic headaches. My surgeon told me that it is no wonder that I have been having such horrible pain because the tumor is literally lifting up and pressing on the muscles in my neck. I hope that once the tumor is removed my neck pain will vanish! What a dream!

Thank you everyone for your continued prayer. I have more to add to this story, and will hopefully be able to do that soon.

xxx Samantha

Emma

// My sweet-as-can-be niece, Emma. //

The reason

Hello dear readers,

It has been almost two weeks since my last post and so much has happened between now and then. I wanted to let you all know that last week I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. My family and I have been overwhelmed with the news, and our life has been turned upside down since. As you know our youngest child, Julian, is only 10 weeks old, and although there is never a good time to get this sort of news, to hear this now is devastating. Thankfully I will be having surgery very soon to remove my entire Thyroid, and possibly some of my Lymph Nodes. We won't know the extent of the cancer until the surgery. I know in my heart that God's plan is good, and that He has me in His hands. I feel peace and security resting in Him, and I will say this now, I will be healed. I know this to be true.
I hope you will understand if the blog is a little quiet for a while, each day has been a challenge for us in one way or another, and we are trying to find our footing again.
If you find it on your heart to pray for me, I would truly appreciate that. I do believe in the power of prayer. One thing that is strongly on my heart is the post surgery treatment. At this point my doctors are telling me that I will need radiation after my surgery to kill any excess cancer cells. This means that I will have to stop nursing Julian before the treatment, and I will not be able to nurse him again after. Also, I will have to be quarantined from my children for at least a week (up to 3 from Julian) because they are so young and cannot be exposed to the radiation. Although I know my life is more important, and I do want to get rid of this cancer once and for all, my mother's heart aches at the thought of not being able to see, touch, and hug and kiss my children for an extended amount of time. It would be the hardest thing I have ever had to do, especially since my Julian is such a little baby. My prayer is that the cancer will be localized only to my thyroid and even just the malignant nodule that has grown in my left lobe, and then maybe I would at the very least be able to postpone the radiation treatment until Julian is older and I have weaned him naturally. That is my hope.

Love,

Samantha